Winter 2004

Maurice Eidelsberg


Maurice Eidelsberg Maurice Eidelsberg had many poems published in the now defunked Quarterly. He attended the writing program at Sarah Lawrence and almost received a MFA. He lives in Jerusalem, where he helps take care of his mother and father. He is single and available.
Rethinking the Falling Problem    Click to hear in real audio

Established thinking poses
That the problem of the fall
Is a problem arising
From the fallen going
From the favorable upright position
To the less-favorable
Flat-on-the-face position
I, as an inveterate faller
And compulsive revisionist that I am
Would like to propose that perhaps
The problem of falling flat on one's face
Is not the real problem
But rather the problem
Arises from the want
Of the fallen to rise again
A case in point
Right now I just fell in the gutter
Cars stop obviously thinking
That I'm one of those typical
Falling-cripple types
With an urgent want
To get up again



About the Author    Click to hear in real audio

maurice eidelsberg is the author
of zero collections
of poems
he has not been published
in anateus, ploughshares, paris review, poetry review
and especially not in the new yorker
he has not been awarded
nor has he ever bothered
to submit
to any prize or competition
although he would
like to win
a stegner
or a macarthur
for the last decade
he has not been on the faculty
of any university, college, junior college
high school, elementary school
nursery school, psych ward,  
his local 7/11
or any other place of higher learning
in fact, he had to pay 26,545 dollars
just to get people to read his poems
and put nice big red hearts on them
at 41 about the only thing he has completed
is 13 poems about shit,
18 concerning masturbation,
and 4 tirades against hitler
the author lives alone
in new york city
with his palsy
and one half
of a cat



Misery Looks for Your Sofa Bed    Click to hear in real audio

is such a good guest
brings purple tulips
dries the dishes
leaves at eleven
with a quick kiss
hogs your weenies
farts during the quiche
wants more pie
it's after one
you're in p.j's
he's eyeballing
your sofa bed



You Think You Are an Ugly Octopus    Click to hear in real audio

you are an ugly octopus
you got 10 more arms than anyone else
3 eyes where they shouldn't be
and a bad case of acne even though you're 48
even for an octopus you're
considered ugly
but still everyday you spend ten minutes combing
your tentacles
every month you spend at least a grand on designer ensembles
you tell yourself that you're not that bad
for an ugly disgusting octopus
then, one morning before you leave the house
you give yourself the once-over in the mirror
you see yourself
you're even a more hideous ugly octopus
than you even thought
you run to the phone
make an emergency call to Andre
hairdresser to the beautiful
he's known to perform miracles



Maurice Eidelsberg: Poetry
Copyright © 2004 The Cortland Review Issue 25The Cortland Review